Porc chops

Today I ate a porcupine, which is a cross between a pig and an evergreen. I'm testing foods at my new job at a genetics labratory. We are trying to make a single food item that has the benefits of both animal (protein) and plant (photosythesis). I, being the test subject, ate nothing but porcupine for three days. We then measured my muscle mass, which increased from five to six, and I stood in a puddle of water for five hours leaning towards the sun. We measuered my suger level before and after but I was no sweeter than usual (32) and my toes were all wrinkled from standing in the puddle that long. It's really weird how they tested me for sweetness. I'll be dreaming about that experience for a while. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to exfoliate.