Super Villians

I've always wanted to be a superhero, so today I decided to go to Urbanopolos to see if I could make it. I got into a fight with The Sludge and Shower Sum, partners in grime, and I was losing until The throw-up kid came to my rescue. I'll spare you the details, but I wanted to be the super hero, not the damsel in disgust. It was exciting, but the real fight was with the resulting smell. I stunk worse than a deaf man with an accordian. I had to bathe with a skunk to improve the smell enough to get rid of it with another bath in tomato juice. The skunk and I are not on speaking terms anymore. And yes, I can talk to animals. It's my super power. The problem is that they just don't talk back. Perhaps someday, I'll go back to Urbanopolos, but not anytime soon.

Today, I ate a tree

It tasted like horse radish combined with pinapple, covered with a cream and broccoli sauce.

Age

I'm tired of telling my age as a time from when I was born to the
present. From now on, I'm going to tell time from the present until the
day of my death. So, starting now, I'm six.